u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
