I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
