you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
