it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
