I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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