I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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