I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize