guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
