"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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