I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
