who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
