His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
