Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
