you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
