My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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