Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
