With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
