batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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