Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize