mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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