Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
