I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize