i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
