I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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