Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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