So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
