u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
