He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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