at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
