So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the condom got lost in my hair
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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