So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
