dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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