Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
