what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think I won the penis lottery.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
