Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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