Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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