It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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