apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
