If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
