toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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