you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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