its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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