Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
