Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
