Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
