He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
