Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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