You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
