you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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