Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
