Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
