If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize