I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
