I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
