I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
