cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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