they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
