why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
