Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
