The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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