Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
