a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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