New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
