bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize