I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
